Learning How to Multiply

My memory isn’t that great. I’d like to say that’s a function of the aging process but truth is, I’ve never had a good memory. That’s why I try to write everything down- for future reference and reflection. Now, if only I could remember where I’ve put that piece of paper!

On Sunday, after the 9:30AM service, I greeted our music intern, Kim Ness, and told her how much I liked the song she sang. Of course, I couldn’t remember the name of the song I’d liked and the paper where I wrote a note about it wasn’t readily accessible. So with very little information to go on, she just smiled politely and said thank you, all probably while thinking I was just a little odd. And that song I liked so much? I forgot about it.

Until yesterday. I was flipping through my Bible, not knowing exactly what I was looking for. I came upon the note I wrote on Sunday’s bulletin. Under the name of the song I couldn’t remember (Oceans by Hillsong United) I saw the words I’d written “trust without borders”. So, I engaged one of my best friends, Google, to find the lyrics to the song. Believe me, I’m so glad I did!

Although I know this very well, I often find myself being reminded of the fact that nothing surprises God. Sure the happenings of everyday life may catch us off guard, but the all-powerful, all-knowing, creator of everything that is- our God, is never caught unaware. I imagine He has a slight surge of excitement when the “unexpected” happens because He can’t wait to see us in action, guide us through the challenges and see us grow in our faith.

Actually, this reminds me of my days teaching 3^rd grade. One thing that I absolutely loved about the teaching experience was building competencies and skills in my kids. The introduction of multiplication was always a fun time for me. See, I get that multiplication can be a scary thing for kids. You’re being introduced to a new concept, a whole new set of facts to master and terminology that is foreign. Often when I’d share that we were moving into multiplication, my students were eager because it instantly made them feel older and smarter. The thought of knowing how to multiply made their chests puff out a little. But at the same time there was some uneasiness about this new skill to be mastered.

At the school I worked at we did flexible grouping for math. I usually taught those that were on-grade level and one year taught the below-grade level group. When the time came to introduce multiplication, I whipped out my goldfish crackers. It was time to have some fun!

See, the way I introduced multiplication was through the use of those yummy goldfish crackers, to build arrays. We went step by step to build understanding of what multiplication is- nothing more than repeated addition. I explained how the number of rows and the number of goldfish in a row translated into a mathematical sentence. I’d give the kids a repeated addition math problem, we’d build an array, translate the addition into a multiplication sentence and discuss the process. Once we completed a series of questions successfully, they’d eat their snacks. This process continued for a few days, usually culminating with the use of M&Ms or Skittles as a sweet treat for mastering the fundamentals of multiplication.

What does this have to do with this song that I’m now in love with? Well, I think about how God often works. The same scaffolding provided in the array example is what God does with us. First, just as a child knows they’ll eventually be introduced to more advanced concepts, we instinctively know that challenges will arise in our life. And as the teacher, God has planned for our successful mastery of the challenge. For, everything that we experience up to that point has prepared us for that moment of introduction into something new. He’s ready to provide the tools for success at just the moment we need them. The lessons we’ve learned during our days of “addition” help us as we progress into “multiplication”, which is only the next logical step in our maturation, right?

Once again I am reminded, no matter what happens in my life, big or small, God is already aware and knows exactly what I need to be successful in progressing through it. He’s designed past experiences so that the knowledge and skills that I’d need to apply, develop and refine in this next phase were solidified. Also, He’s prepared to guide me every step of the way through this current situation. I imagine (because I do have a vivid one that may be a bit too much for traditionalists) that just how I used to be giddy with excitement the first day of our lesson on multiplication and smiled at the looks of concern on my students face when they learned that the time had come, that God is just like that with us. He’s thrilled about what’s about to take place. He knows that His child is about to learn something new that will mature him or her and serve as a building block for future learning. Enthusiasm is what I imagine God feels when we reach the threshold of a new valley. For, He’s standing right beside us, ready to usher us into this new place.

I think the reasons that my kids didn’t completely melt down when we learned anything new was that:
1. They understood that I loved and cared about them. I was going to make sure they were okay throughout the process.
2. They trusted me and were willing to let me guide them.
3. Learning is what school is about anyway. Therefore, they weren’t surprised or testy when I announced we were learning something new. They may not have known what was going to be taught but they knew that they would learn.

Isn’t that what our lives as Christians are all about- learning and growing in our walk? God loves and cares for us. He is committed to ensuring we’re okay, especially during the difficult times in life. As the lines in Oceans state,

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

There is no reason to doubt God.  For, He is there guiding me.  Despite the uncertainty that surrounds me I know that I can trust him because He has never failed me before.  And yes, He won’t start now!

Thus, I go back to that one line that resonated in my spirit on Sunday. “Spirit lead me where trust is without borders.” That is a prayer I’ve prayed for a few months now. Not exactly in those words but with the same intention. I’ve asked God to keep me safe under His wing. For, I want to be so close to Him, so aligned with His will that the only place I can be is safely tucked under His wings of protection. By being fully covered by Him I am submitting to His full authority and declaring, where You take me, I will follow. So, lead me where You’d have me go, teach me what I need to learn next and develop my faith so that doubt is replaced with unlimited trust because I know that even though I can’t see what is next, You can, and it’s guaranteed to be awesome!

Therefore, see this as encouragement for anything you may be going through. God is not surprised at all about what is happening in and around You. He has prepared you for this time in life and will be beside you every step of the way as you multiply your trust and faith. Place your full trust in Him and allow Him to guide you through. I guarantee, He will provide everything you need at just the right time. One day you’ll look back and wonder why you were ever uneasy about learning how to "multiply" in the first place.

"On Time" Principle

About a month ago I was preparing to attend a painting event in Crystal City where you create your own painting.  After much consideration, I decided that the work of art I was going to create that night was a clock.  No real reason why, I just was inspired to paint a clock.  So, armed with a concept, I then turned to my favorite site, Pinterest, for further inspiration.  I saw a design that I felt described me perfectly.

Photo Credit:  http://www.etsy.com/listing/109270668/whatever-im-late-anyway-clock

I actually chuckled out loud because I knew that if I painted this and hanged it in my home, any and every one that saw it would immediately nod in agreement, knowing that this fit me perfectly.  I am late EVERY place I go.  Doesn’t matter how far in advance I start nor how close the destination, I am always late.  This is something that I’ve been mindful of and tried to work on from time to time for years.  Yet, I still struggle with arriving early to events.  Refusing not to further promote this vice, I opted not to use this design but instead did an abstract depiction of a clock instead.

 

But I do recognize that punctuality is a character trait that I should exhibit.  In the book “Marriage A to Z”, Carolyn Tatem discusses the importance of this as part of the “On Time” principle.  She states that we miss out on important experiences by being late.  Also, the way you practice this character trait (being consistently punctual or being consistently late) communicates a lot about you as an individual for singles and as a couple for married people.  This makes perfect sense because our thoughts translate into behavior and behavior into character.  Therefore, my lack of discipline in being timely really tells people a lot about who I am as an individual.  I don’t want to be known as an undisciplined individual. Additionally, since in a marriage relationship we are one, I don’t want my character flaws to reflect badly on my husband.  In my season of singleness, what do I need to do to develop in this area?

First, I need to pinpoint why I am consistently late.  I’ve identified the following reasons:

·       Poor Planning: I tend not to consider everything that must be accomplished in order to get somewhere on time and allocate time properly.

·       Over-commitment: Being involved in many different things, I commit to doing things and conflicts arise.  Because I don’t want to renege on a commitment I’ll then book events back to back which causes me to be in a constant state of rushing from one place to the next and typically arriving late and leaving early.

·       Procrastination: Consistently I’ll wait until the last minute to pick out my clothes, make/eat my meal, gather the necessary materials, etc.  This results in rushing to complete the task and often re-work.

·       Laziness: I tend to sleep/nap before I have to leave the house.  When the alarm goes off, I stay in bed a few minutes longer and then have to rush to get ready.

Reflecting upon what to do with this information, I found some helpful tips and strategies on Character-in-Action’s website (http://character-in-action.com/punctuality-tips-and-strategies/).  I am now purposing to deliberately practice them.  (I’ve already accomplished the first!)  It will require reframing my perspective and anchoring these actions in a scriptural foundation.  The tips and strategies along with the scripture references that I’ve identified are going to guide my development in this area.

1.       Admission:   Proverbs 28:13, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”

2.       Respect:  Romans 12:10, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

3.       Love:  Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

4.       Responsibility: Proverbs 6:6-8, “Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer, or ruler, she prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food in harvest.”

5.       Self-Control:  II Peter 1:5-8, “Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, 6and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, 7and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. 8For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

6.       Be Realistic:  James 4:17, “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth [it] not, to him it is sin.”
Galatians 5:16, “[This] I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.”

No matter the state of my love life- single, courting or married, I desire to be an accurate reflection of God and live a life consistent with His word.  Thus, I must work on being on time, knowing that His grace will sustain and assist me as I develop in this area of my life.

A Faith That's Meant to Be Shared

I walked into a wonderful conversation the other day.  I, and other members of the church I now work at as the Interim Children’s Director, were hosting the Kids Zone at the George Washington Parkway Classic 10 Mile/5 K Run in Alexandria, VA.  One of the volunteers asked me a simple question- How do you share your faith with others?  It was really quite provocative because she wasn’t asking it as a litmus test for my walk but instead as a way to process something she’s been grappling with internally for a while now.

I was caught a little off guard but replied in a manner I often do when someone asks me something that I have been reflecting upon and am just bursting to discuss, “That’s a very good question”.  See, a few months ago, someone asked me if I’ve shared my faith with an unbeliever (in this case it was the litmus test question) and I had no idea how to answer that.  No, I don’t go up to people, ask if they are a non-believer and then walk them down Roman’s Road.  That seems absurd to me.  Scripture quoting and spiritual clichés are not my thing.  But I didn’t have an adequate response for why I was or wasn’t sharing my faith with unbelievers because I really didn’t know if I was.

Back to last week’s conversation.  I shared with her that I believe it is less about having the right scripture to recite to someone than it is being a true reflection of God’s love.  For, when you are a reflection of God’s love people sense that there’s more to you than what’s surface.  I’d like to think of it as a spiritual connection of who lives in you and the internal struggle of negotiating that with what lives inside the other person. 

At any rate, over the past few months I’ve heard some powerful anecdotes sprinkled in theologically-sound preaching that has reinforced this for me.  The first message was delivered at First Baptist Church of Glenarden by a visiting missionary from South Africa.  He shared a moving story of how his father, a known drunk and self-proclaimed atheist, was converted through months of casual chess games with a believer that first entered his life as the workman that re-carpeted his floors.  Because of a chance encounter that evolved into a friendship, not only was he converted but his entire family’s eternal lives (and thousands others that are being impacted by the missionary’s work) were changed.  It wasn't done through a single conversation of proclaiming the man and sinner with certain damnation in his future.  Instead a relationship was formed, through which the elements of his faith, and ultimately the nature of God, were exposed slowly but consistently.

A radio broadcast of a previously preached sermon retold the story of Zacchaeus and Jesus.  A notorious and vehemently hated chief tax collector, Zacchaeus went to great lengths to seek Jesus when he came to Jericho.  Because he couldn’t see due to the crowds and his short height he ran ahead and climbed a tree to ensure he’d get a good look at Him when He passed.  As He passed, their spirits connected and Jesus told him to come down quickly because He was staying at his house.  Jesus deliberately meet him where he was to show love, compassion and concern.  And through this (and Zacchaesus’ desire to right his wrongs), his entire “house” was saved. 

The last story I’ll share is from just a few weeks ago where a representative from Fresh Expressions shared the concept behind this movement at a “Lunch and Learn” session at Downtown Baptist Church in Alexandria, VA (where I work now!).  As detailed in the introduction on their website, “in many different places, Christians are stepping out in faith and beginning fresh expressions of church: new or different forms of church for a changing culture.”  These are deliberate attempts to share faith with unbelievers in authentic and unique ways that reach them at their points of need.

So, with all that God has been pouring into me lately, this is how I answered her question:  I share my faith through the natural ways I interact with people.  I believe because of how I carry myself they are able to see something different about me.  It may not be on a conscious level at first but they sense something different about me. 

Then she began to speak.  She shared that often people ask her why she is happy.  But she doesn’t know what to say because she is just naturally happy.  Happy for the life God has blessed her with and the love He constantly displays despite her unworthiness.  She mentioned that when she does share with co-workers that she’s happy because of God, they flinch.  I think the flinch is good.  In a way it is pricking their spirit and causing some level of discomfort.  And discomfort in sin or separation from God is good.  I shared with her that she doesn’t need to censor this reply in order for them to feel comfortable.  My belief is that this is planting a seed.  One she may see grow or one that will continue to be watered by others that God sets in their path.  Then one day, the discomfort will become so great and the truth so clear that things will suddenly make sense and the need for a Savior will be undeniable.

We ended our conversation, both of us drawing the same conclusion- I share my faith through my everyday existence, meeting the person where they are.  Those that are lost likely aren’t going to be sitting on your pew at church.  Instead they are in your office, on your metro bus, at your gym, in your neighborhood.  Because those that are in most need of knowing about salvation and being invited into a relationship with Christ are around us in our everyday lives, it is imperative that our actions, words and deeds are true reflections of God.  Our love should be a manifestation of His love.  Our words should be rooted in His truths.  Our behaviors should be consistent with what He did when He walked this earth as a man.  That’s when our faith is able to minister to others and suggest that there’s something about us that is different.

Finally, I love what seems like a promise to me.  Through our authentic sharing of our faith through every day, real-life experiences we are truly living out the mandate that Jesus gave us- to make disciples of men.  And what is so beautiful to me, as evidenced in the stories shared above, when we do so we aren’t just impacting one life.  For that reconciled heart then shares their faith with others, who in turn accept salvation and then share with others, and so on.  And I believe that is the true weight of the promise.  So, our living a life that conveys our faith can potentially save a generation of lost souls! 

 

Remember, because of Zacchaeus’ desire to know more, Jesus exposed him to the very essence of God and His glory, causing him to repent.  From this experience he was saved.  But not only him, but his house.  Salvation came to an entire household (and in those days that meant everyone associated with his house- wife, children, servants, etc).

How awesome is it to know that our walk has the ability to change so many lives if we just allow our faith to speak for us and minister to people at their point of need!    

Submission - Getting to the Root of the Issue

This is part II of a reflection on Submission.  Check out the first part, S*bm!ss!@n.

As you know, I am exploring the practice of submission in an attempt to grow in this area.  Therefore, I’ve undertaken a season of study, reflection and application.  Mid-March I attended the United Sisters For Your Journey women’s retreat, sponsored by my church, First Baptist of Glenarden.  I didn’t mean to attend the workshop session about taking shortcuts, but I was running late (so unlike me…) and didn’t want to walk in late on my first choice session.  But, I was pleasantly surprised about how good this workshop was.  The key theme communicated during the session was that this:  the shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line.  As a Christian, our straight line is obedience.  We were posed with the question “What area of your life is God asking you to be obedient in?”

Before I share my response to this question, I want to unpack this obedience thing just a bit.  Nothing I’m going to share is deep, innovative or uncommon.  But it is something I neglected to explicitly internalize and verbalize before now.  Obedience is doing what another has asked you to do.  So, obedience is nothing more than submitting, and in this case, to God.  Often, being obedient to God isn’t easy, fun or attractive.  Yet, it is surely the best course of action.  Why then, is it so hard for me to act in accordance with his commands, trusting fully that His plan is best and will lead to the awesome promises He’s made to me?  Simple- Faith, or lack thereof.  My independent, willful attitude. 

The area of my life that I identified as needing to be submitted to God is my health.  I’m doing good with the lifestyle of fitness.  My eating habits are not aligned with being healthy though.  Why?  My attitude is if I’m working out (and even if I’m not) I can eat whatever I want to.  What I select to put in my body is my choice.  Right?  Reflecting on this further I clearly see the connection with submission.  I know that a healthy diet is pleasing to God.  But because I want to be in control of that area of my life I am not willing to consistently make healthy food choices, deny my flesh and obey what He’s been asking me to do for years.  So I eat what I want, when I want and however much I want because nobody can tell me not to.  Until now!

Eating healthy is the next priority to layer in.  What this means in practical terms is ensuring I prepare well-balanced meals, drink enough water each day and manage my portion sizes.  It means limiting my sugar intake and being conscious and deliberate about what I put in my body.  Going out to eat is still an option- I just need to make good choices when I do so.

A few more things became clear to me last week that I need to further process.  First, I can’t go on auto-pilot.  In Luke 9:23 it states, “And he said to all, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me’.”  Clearly I’m told to daily take up my cross, submit to God’s will and follow Him.  Therefore, I must be intentional each and every day to ensure I am aligned with His expectations, commands and will.  So, submission truly is a lifestyle, manifested in the way that I follow and serve others.

In my women’s bible study class I was asked to speak on my self-identified stronghold of submission.  Since I’ve been meditating on this all month I was ready for it.  The conversation really just solidified some things in my head.  The question was asked how do you show a submissive spirit to the person you’re dating/courting (because until you say “I do” you are not called to submit to that man).  So simple yet profound (at least to me) is the fact that people will be able to see the qualities of a submissive woman as evidenced in the way that she walks with God, interacts with her boss, attitudes towards authority, etc.  Surely, we are known by the fruit we bear (Matthew 7:16).

To take this a step further and assist me in my quest to become a submissive person, I now understand that what I do in one area of my life is transferrable to other areas of my life.  How many times have we, as singles, heard that this is the time of preparation?  Too many, in my opinion.  But that is so true.  How can I aspire to be a good wife, knowing full well that wives are commanded to submit to their husbands, if I refuse to submit to those currently in positions of authority in my life?  So, by me consistently submitting to God, it should cross over into my relationships with my supervisor, with the police, with political and spiritual authorities, etc. 

Knowing that this isn’t an easy undertaking, nor one that I will magically one day conquer, I am committed to taking it one day at a time.  Each day being deliberate to listen for God’s voice, obey it and walk in accordance to His will.  Yes, daily picking up that cross to follow Him into the beautiful destiny that awaits me.

The Table Experience

Two Saturdays ago I was sitting in a class at my home church, First Baptist of Glenarden.  As a side note, the instructor referenced something that sparked my interest.  She mentioned the “Table Principle”.  I never knew there was such a thing!  But as she was explaining it to us, I knew exactly what she meant and clearly understood the spiritual significance of the table.  See, every now and then my sisters and I will talk about all of the great things that happened at our kitchen table growing up, inadvertently referencing this principle.

Reflecting on the time I spent in my parent’s home (I didn’t move out on my own until I was 26!), I can recall many powerful and also very ordinary experiences at our kitchen table.  This was the location where we enjoyed nightly family dinners.  The table is where my parents and a few of their close friends formulated the idea for their now 24-year old company.  When family or friends visited our home, inevitably we ended up grouped around the table eating, laughing, sometimes playing games, other times having thought-provoking conversations.  Whether the ordinary or extra-ordinary, the kitchen table is probably the most vivid recollection and symbol of my formative years.

Again, I don’t know much about the “Table Principle” other than what was shared with me in the matter of 60 seconds in my class the other day.  My interest is sparked and I’m launching my own personal research project (stay tuned- in the coming weeks I’ll share some of the great things I’ve found out).  But, I do believe in the essence of what I believe the principle is.  First, by taking time to sit down and enjoy a meal as a family regularly communicates to each other the importance of the bond and places a high value on quality time spent together.  I can imagine that some days it is easier (and maybe even necessary due to conflicting schedules) to do meals on the go and/or separately.  But making time to sit and enjoy the moments you have together can do wonders for your family life, strengthening relationships, and is likely to be a healthier meal and digestive period.

So, I think that first point is pretty basic.  Nothing new there, right?  Well, I suggest that the kitchen table can also facilitate life-changing experiences.  As I mentioned, my parents transformed a dream into reality at our kitchen table.  I was a bit too young at the time to internalize what was going on (as a matter of fact, I think I was somewhere playing with my sisters) but I’ve heard this story recounted enough to know now that it was not a chance encounter. 

One of the principles I’ve come to embrace is homemaking- ensuring your home is hospitable and a place of ministry.  My mother was definitely a homemaker and my father supported her in maintaining an environment that nurtured our family’s growth and invited the presence of God daily.  Because this was a part of their lifestyle, it was easy for God to work in our lives- the atmosphere was conducive to allowing His spirit to dwell within.  Thus, when others came into our home, they were ushered into His presence. 

My parents were/are innovators (my mother is deceased) and addicted to continuous growth and improvement.  They were/are also very inclusive and found ways to partner with people on almost everything they sought to do.  So, one night at our kitchen table, my dad’s dream, supported by mother’s commitment and practicality, connected with the strengths, talents and desires of the others at the table.  What could’ve easily been dismissed as a far-fetched, never-going-to-happen dream was welcomed as a reality-yet-to-come.  As a result, each of their and their family member’s lives were changed.  Sure, it wasn’t just the kitchen table.  But, because there existed a place that was regularly used as a meeting place of nourishment, fellowship and idea generation, what came next was only natural, with a bit of destiny mixed in.

This is only one of the many examples I reflect upon as I think about the “table principle”.  I know it is a powerful tool, that when allowed to be utilized by God, can grow families and friendships and turn regular encounters into life-changing experiences. 

Do you have any stories of how spending quality time at the kitchen table has enriched your life or that of your family or friends?  If you’re not currently utilizing your kitchen table for much more than a resting spot for mail, homework, etc. then I challenge you to clear it off tonight and have dinner as a family.  My own personal challenge is to take more opportunities to visit with friends and family and experience the power of enjoying time together around the kitchen table.

S*bm!ss!@n

Technically, submission has 10 letters.  But for a long time, in my book, it has been categorized as a 4-letter curse word.  I’m not unlike many independent, black females of the 21^st century.  You mention the word submission and immediately my eyes will initiate a roll.  And, don’t get me to talking about it.  Because surely you will start to see my neck begin to roll as I share my 2 cents on the subject.  Honestly, I’m not quite that bad anymore but the cultivation of a lifestyle of submission is a work-in-progress.

In the most simplest terms, submission is yielding your will to that of another’s.  It is agreeing to embark on the course that they’ve set and adopting their objectives and plans as your own.  Pretty straightforward right?  Oh, but did I neglect to mention, even when their will is different or contradictory to your own.  Yikes!  That’s when this thing starts getting real.

As outlined in the bible, we are called to submit in various relationships that we find ourselves in.  First, we are commanded to submit to God.  Living a life consistent with His commands, striving for holiness and purity and forsaking the longings of the flesh are ways that this is done.  We are also called to submit to our leaders- government, religious and vocational.  Obeying laws, guidelines, doctrines and directives that are consistent with the fundamental tenets of our faith is essential in achieving this.  Submitting to our husbands is probably one of the most well-known examples of submission.  It is actually pretty funny how many single women, like myself, have a problem with this (could this be part of the reason why we are STILL single?).  And finally, we are told to submit to one another.

Obviously I get what submission is and to whom I should be submitted to.  Where I struggle is how to actually do it.  At times I have a spirit that yearns to do it.  I am excited about the prospect of getting it right.  But then, me being the cerebral person I am, I often reflect upon the reasons why I shouldn’t- “DC and PG cops are incompetent and don’t do their jobs anyway”, “Politicians are greedy, lying, cheats that are only looking out for their special interests”, “Obviously God is tripping right now.  He doesn’t really want me to do that.”, “My dad (and in this case, my boss) is so old-school.  This is the technology age.  His way is antiquated.”    And then, I do it my own way and refuse the opportunity to be submissive.

There are times when even after rationalizing why I am right, I concede to do things “their” way.  I submit, but only after reassuring myself that (as usual) I am right and eventually I will prove it by doing it their way and watching it fail.  I understand that although I may have yielded to the authority, it wasn’t done in the spirit of a submissive heart and really isn’t aligned with what God desires from me.

But I’m declaring today, this has got to stop.  I am no use to God or anyone else when I think and act like I am always right and know best.  So, what am I going to do about it?  Glad you asked.

During this season of Lent I am doing a submission fast.  It’s really something I just made up but think it will be a great way of growing in this area.  It includes me engaging in a more complete study of submission- principles, scriptural references and practical application, then put them into action in my daily life.  This should be interesting…  I’ll keep you posted!

Speak Life!

Our words have the ability to build up, encourage and speak life into bleak situations.  I just want to share a few quick thoughts about how some words have taken me (and perhaps others) to the next level in just a few days.

#1 - So, this gym thing is still a bit new to me.  But pat on the back, I am about to finish up Week 7 and do my 2 month fitness assessment with my trainer soon.  (Stay tuned- I suspect I'll be boasting about vanishing inches!!!)  At any rate, I am doing well with my routine.  I don't always want to do it, but I haven't slacked on the target of hitting up LA Fitness 4 times a week.  The other day I was not feeling it at all.  Not for any specific reason, just didn't want to get out the comfy confines of my warm bed.  As I laid there, allowing the minutes to tick by, I knew I was going to go.  It's just that I lacked the motivation to get up.  I sent out an S.O.S. text to someone that said a few weeks ago they would help keep me accountable.  My request for inspiration was answered very simply and matter of fact-ly in 2 parts.  The part that I liked best was "just think of how many days this one gym day will add to your life".

Because I am not a medical professional or even a well-informed exerciser, I'm not completely clear on this medical fact or assumption.  But honestly, I don't really care.  I believe the truth and beauty of these words.  We make hundreds of decisions daily, consciously and subconsciously, that impact the quality and duration of our life.  No one can refute the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.  Both the physical and mental strength/fortitude necessary to give 110% during a single workout undoubtedly positively impacts the rest of your life to some degree.  As I thought about that (and still do so, as it is lingering in my mind) I agree and find motivation.  What I do today is going to determine the quality and longevity of live I'll have tomorrow.  Yes, the not-so-pleasant, but definitely necessary, decision to stick with this thing is a deliberate act to live the best and longest life I can.

#2 - Just a small piece of a larger discussion about spirituality, I was told that my new found commitment to exercise is a method of growing closer to God.  Now, this came from a person who I contend doesn't know me too well on a personal level.  But, man.  This was right on!  As he put it, the very nature of working out- the expulsion of toxins, calories, shedding of fat is purifying both body and spirit.  The exchange is energy.  The thrill that one feels (or endorphins) when completing a workout is essentially a spiritual connection with our creator, who is pouring back into us the purity that should continually reside there.  That is a simple yet powerful declaration.  Something as ordinary as exercising can connect you in a new and powerful way to God, inviting you into His presence and unleashing new reflections of who He is.  That is some good stuff!

#3 - The final example of the power of words is related to the written word and the impact on others. 
See, I wore a shirt to the gym yesterday that apparently struck a nerve.  This shirt is one I purchased years ago at a book signing for "I Fought To Be This Happy" (really good read by the way).  At that time in my life I totally related to the sentiment.  The peace, prosperity and joy I was experiencing (and still am) wasn't something that came easy.  No, not at all.  Most, if not all, can agree that to stay sane, to persevere and not give up, it requires a deliberate declaration that you will not quit!  Giving up- that isn't even an option.  Nope.  You continue to fight because the alternative can never be your reality.  Now you get my motivation for buying the shirt.  So, I wear this in the gym yesterday and I'm told how much the person likes the shirt and what it says/means.  He even went to the lengths of taking a picture of it.    This may not mean much of anything to you but to me this is huge.  I didn't say anything to him- he just saw the words scrawled across my chest that spoke to something deep within him.  How awesome is it that even something as unintentional as apparel, can speak life to someone!

I'll leave you with this thought/challenge (which is just as much for me as it is for you).  You never know how your words can impact someone.  Something seemingly simple or innocent may be exactly what that person needs to hear.  Therefore, try as much as possible to be intentional about what you say, and do, knowing it can potentially propel one forward, closer to the purpose and destiny that God has for them.  Unfortunately, they are just as powerful in the inverse, being able to pull one down to a level that speaks defeat, isolation or hopelessness that they may not recover from.  Therefore, "Speak Life!"

Experiencing Love With Our Senses

Baby Kadence is the newest addition to our family, just a few day's shy of being 5 months old. I had the joy of visiting my sister and brother-in-law to-be, baby girl and other members of my family a week and a half ago. Let me tell you, little Kadence is growing up so fast- exploring her surroundings as she makes sense of the new world around her.

While visiting, I had the opportunity to practice my emerging mothering skills by babysitting her for the day. And what a day it was! For a person that has limited experience with infants, it reinforced that stay-at-home parents have a fulltime job. But one that is rewarding and worth every minute.

As living creatures we learn about the world around us through our senses. This is probably most profound and evident in our young, who are experiencing things for the first time, curiosity running wild. Kadence slept late the morning I babysat her. When she finally roused from sleep at 10am, I was positioned over her head, peering down on her. Because she is so beautiful and precious I can't help but smile when I see her. What can I say- I love my niece. And she loves her auntie!

Seeing the welcoming expression on my face, she responded with a huge smile, letting me know she was ready to enjoy some quality time together. That was my cue to pick her up. The care in which I did so and natural warmth of my body alerted her to the safety that lay in my arms.

Next, it was time for breakfast. I have never desired to taste baby formula. There's nothing about it that makes me want to sneak a sip. But, when that bottle appears, you can't tell that girl nothing! She goes in for it and enjoys it down to the last drop. The taste of nourishment satisfies her carving (at least for a little while). I imagine, even if only for the moment, in her eyes, the person that fixed the bottle and fed her is the best person in the world.

Later that afternoon, when first her daddy and then her mom returned home, all she needed to hear were their voices. She was alerted to the fact that the two most important people in her life were there. Her natural state of happiness was intensified, no doubt because she knew a new level of entertainment was just moments away. (If you know anything about her parents you know exactly what I mean. Those two are nuts! In a good way.) And being held in their arms, breathing in their familiar scents, surely provided an extra layer of security. These familiar routines, day after day, are her building blocks for understanding love at it's most fundamental and purest state.

I love it how God shares Himself with me! Often times it is in the most simple and natural ways that He speaks or reinforces. See, on January 2nd, with lights off, laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, this was my prayer: "Speak to me." For 3 nights, He did just that.

It was the 2nd day, January 3rd, that I was given this simple command- "Love with your senses". It was actually communicated through a dream. In the dream there were a couple different scenarios of love being expressed through the senses. The most vivid one was of an older Asian couple (I swear it was the husband and wife team that manage the parking lot on H Street NW in DC. You know, the one in Chinatown, in the alley near Vapianos!) They displayed how love feels. It was safe, it was warm, it was easy- not forced, and it was enduring, as it had no end. I also saw love. Not through their actions but in the color that radiated from her. The color was red. Not the color of passion. No, it was intensity, fierceness. It was unrelenting and unashamed. And yes, it was the color of redemption, salvation. A sacrificing and unwavering love.

Now, I am trying to really internalize what it means to love others through my senses. The biggest challenges are:

1. Not to take it too literal, while still not overthinking it.
2. Love in a way that is meaningful to others.

Again, the command brings me back to prayer. Because not only does prayer reveal, it also empowers and sustains. Thus, necessitating a constant posture of prayer.  So, my prayer now is for God to show me how to love others through my senses in the same way He loves them. For, He always knows what we stand in need of, even before we do ourselves.

If I left it up to my perception of love and personal assessment of what others need, I may try to console a broken heart with chocolate cake (dessert cures everything! Right?) when what God knows they need is a listening ear that won't judge, won't try to fix it but will just listen. This requires being vulnerable and uncomfortable. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think Jesus ever did the easy, safe or comfortable thing to show love, care and concern. Instead, He put Himself out there, susceptible to scrutiny and accusations all in an attempt to love individuals in a way that touched their core! So, why would God expect anything different from me?

This command also requires me to be attentive, because it usually is a small little voice or nudging that suddenly prompts me to act. In the few occasions I've done this, the acts have been small and I'm not at all sure of the impact, but I will take it on faith that it is doing exactly what God intended.

Honestly, I am still processing what all this means and how to discern and be obedient to His promptings. Therefore, you may see me refine my thinking here in the future. Or, maybe you have some insight on this? Please share! 'Cause just like little Kadence, I'm trying to experience as much as possible, growing in all areas of my life as I try to walk in the ways of God, loving and being loved in a way that He honors. It isn't going to be easy or always work out how I imagined. Nothing worth doing ever is or does. But rest assured, if we remain committed, it will all work for our good, according to His perfect plan.

Pole Dancing Gone Wrong

For those of you that don't know the real story behind how I dislocated my knee, here's the edited version.  Those of you that are super spiritual and traditional in your thinking- this may not be for you.

At the beginning of 2009 I started reflecting seriously on the often quoted scripture "He who finds a wife, finds a good thing."  Being the ever-confident woman I am, I just KNEW I was a good thing.  But, one day I conducted an informal assessment.  In my book, a good wife cooks, cleans, makes her home a nurturing environment for her family, respects and encourages her man- along with a host of other things.  But, of the list of items I called out above, I realize that very few of them was I even adequate in.  So, a good thing I was not.

Part of the curse of being part of the Speed family is the desire to never stop learning and growing.  That sentiment kicked in real quick and I started taking baby steps to enhance the mediocre and turn it into GOOD.  Now, this is where you have to be open and kinda follow my thinking.  Since I purposed to become a "good thing" (yes, despite the statistics, male/female ratios, and constant lamenting from spiritual leaders that not every single woman will get married, I believe I will be happily married one day) I thought about this preparation process holistically.  I needed to develop the full package!  One of my many conclusions- Once I'm married, I want to keep my marriage interesting.  What better way to do that than with a pole in the bedroom?!  No, really, I'm serious.

So, I'm firm on this.  My master bedroom, in my home, with my husband, will have a stationary pole.  Now, there's one tiny problem.  I don't know how to work a pole!  I guess I shouldn't credit this next piece to God.  Or, maybe I should?  The opportunity presented itself in Spring 2012 to begin pole dancing lessons (thank you Living Social).  Believe me when I tell you, pole dancing is a workout.  Especially for someone that doesn't workout.  EVER.

Long story, short - During the fourth class, while doing a catch spin (I think that's the name of the easiest spin out there) I lost my footing and all you heard was "POP"!  A girl turned to me alarmed and inquired, "Are you alright."  Usually I can smile through the pain.  But as I grabbed my left knee all I could say in a small whisper was "No".  They got me a chair and for the next 45 minutes I iced my knee (and my bruised pride).  The hobble to the car, propped on the shoulders of two classmates was hard.  But, not as difficult as driving the 10 miles to urgent care.  Nor, the attempts at flagging someone down to get an attendant with a wheelchair to help me inside.

Honestly, as it was happening and even now I see the humor in the situation.  Luckily I wasn't as bad as the video of the heavy-set woman who attempted pole dancing in her living room and ended up laid out on the coffee table.  The nurses who wanted to know the name and location of the pole dancing class I went to (Xpose Fitness in Annapolis) because they were interested in trying it out, well that lightened the mood a bit.  Finally, telling my dad and stepmother that I was laid out on the couch for a few days because of my pole dancing mishap was priceless (just what every daddy wants to hear- his daughter is working the pole).

I haven't given up on my desires to be my future husbands private dancer.  I'm almost to the point where I'm willing to try it again.  Considering the current state of my love life, I probably have a good amount of time to perfect this craft, which is great.  I think I'm going to need it.

One Month Anniversary

Okay, I understand that to some this may be a little thing.  But to me it is HUGE.  And the way I see it, sometimes it is the little things that make the biggest difference in our lives.  For years I have struggled with the idea of exercising.  It never appealed to me.  (As I was told a few years ago “Nobody wants to workout but they do it anyway.” – uh, okay, not me...)  Only once before have I had a gym membership.  The year was 2003 or 2004.  I can’t really remember- mainly because I only went to the gym 2 or 3 times over that one-year membership period.  The thought of expending extra energy and sweating while doing it was a complete turn-off.  Why, I could be napping, reading a good book, eating a Chipotle burrito bowl or any number of other activities!  Granted, I have my weeks, and sometimes months, of dedication when preparing for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk.  But if I do actually train for the 60 mile trek, once it is over I go right back to the couch.  Good or bad - I embrace that slothfulness is the state of being I’m most comfortable with.  Oh, and we all remember my failed attempt at unleashing my inner stripper.  Needless to say, my knee still whines in pain every now and then, reminding me that before I try that again, a certain level of physical fitness and coordination will be a non-negotiable requirement.

But here I am, 1 month into becoming a “gym rat”.  I am amazed at the change I’ve undertaken.  And based upon the reaction of some of my friends and family members, you are too.  This change I’m referring to is probably 5% physical and 95% mental.  It has been a full month and I’ve remained committed to going to the gym at least 4 times a week (well one week was only 3 days at the gym and one day at home doing a 30-minute cardio walking video, but that still counts!).  What is this attributed to?  Only God!  The fact that I desire to spend an hour sweating in front of strangers and exposing my muscles to positions and weights they’ve never felt before is nothing short of a miracle.  I don’t take this change in thinking lightly.  For, it took years of gentle nudging and failed attempts by those who love me to get me here.  Some were frustrated at my ambivalence to exercise while others just accepted that I wasn’t going to care.

In 2013, I called out on my vision board that I wanted to establish a healthy lifestyle.  But, it never quite happened.  Then, in late summer/early fall the construction on the LA Fitness started in my neighborhood.  I felt like God was building a gym just for me!!!  Oh, great.  Now I wouldn’t have any excuses.  I was one of the people that signed up during the pre-sale and was super excited.  For about 2 minutes…  Grand opening came and went, and I was still avoiding the facility and watching my monthly membership dues go down the drain.

My 2013 Vision Board.  Notice "Body Beautiful" in the upper right quadrant.

During the final weeks of my pre-gym days, one evening I returned from my Queen Esther class, and enjoyed a phone call from a good friend that I refer to as “The President of the Krystal Speed Fan Club”.  If ever there’s anything I am contemplating doing, he is always there telling me that I can do it and do it well.  Anyways, I shared with him that in class we were talking about Israel's sin cycle.  I shared that during our small group discussion on how this cycle is manifested in each individual’s life, I likened it to my fitness and healthy lifestyle goals.  As our conversation progressed I was challenged to break the cycle.  I believe this was a defining moment in helping me internalize what needed to be done.  It was truly a blessing to have God speak through this person to tell me what I already knew and desperately needed to hear reinforced.

On December 30^th I was talking with one of my accountability partners.  She was sharing her fitness routine and goals.  As we ended the conversation in prayer, I was motivated to ask one simple thing from God “Please give me the kick in the butt I need to get in the gym”.  Well, about 3 minutes after we hung up, I reluctantly rolled out of bed, put on my hot pink Nikes and tentatively drove the 0.5 miles to my new gym.  When I entered, I was greeted with a smile.  I was offered a free session with a trainer.  I hesitated.  See, I had already used my complimentary session during the October pre-sale and that guy got me good.  When I say he worked me out, I mean he WORKED    ME    OUT!   I didn't want to take advantage of the system and get a 2nd free session but, I figured if they were offering, I was taking.  

So, he walked me back to an available trainer.  And who do I end up sitting in front of?  Gary.  The guy I’d had my free session with before.  We exchanged the obligatory hellos.  He recalled meeting me before but couldn’t place me until a few minutes into the conversation when my sarcasm and facial expressions gave me away.  “Oh, now I remember you,” was his response.  I said, “Yeah, I’m the girl that looks at you like you’re crazy when you give me these exercises to do.”  And that’s how our personal training sessions began.  I am very thankful to God for allowing me to have a trainer that knows exactly how to motivate me (basically telling me to suck it up because I can do it).

I’m completely excited about this 180 degree change in my attitude and habits.  I wake up in the morning excited about the day’s fitness routine (well, usually).  I actually like the feeling of sweat dripping down my forehead now.  I also enjoy seeing other gym-goers actively reaching for their dreams and goals of a healthier version of themselves.  Their motivation is contagious and helps me.  And then, the staff.  I feel like you’ve gotta be a special person to effectively motivate people to willingly endure pain for the hope of a better future.  To be good at that, I think that is a gift.  I’m thankful for the way that they’ve allowed themselves to be used to heal, restore and inspire people.

One month into it and I am committed to staying with it.  Hey, after doing something for 21 days it becomes habit right?  Ultimately, God is my strength.  As Paul shares with us in II Corinthians 12:9, “But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness' ”.  I’m believing that His sufficient grace, that empowers and strengthens, will help me to remain true to this.  I also believe that a strong support system is needed.  As I endeavor to live a healthy and fit lifestyle I need your help.  Please continue to share this journey with me.  Check-in with me.  Keep me accountable.  Tell me your fitness goals so I can also harass you about whether you’re keeping up with them or not.  And when we can, let’s do something fitness-related together.  Also, I’m on Pinterest so share healthy recipes, exercise routines and anything else that relates to becoming a healthier version of ourselves. For, I'm being reminded, when we surrender ourselves to the things of God (and yes, taking good care of your temple is one of those things) the pain of transformation purifies and brings us one step closer to the person we've been called to be.