Speak Life!

Our words have the ability to build up, encourage and speak life into bleak situations.  I just want to share a few quick thoughts about how some words have taken me (and perhaps others) to the next level in just a few days.

#1 - So, this gym thing is still a bit new to me.  But pat on the back, I am about to finish up Week 7 and do my 2 month fitness assessment with my trainer soon.  (Stay tuned- I suspect I'll be boasting about vanishing inches!!!)  At any rate, I am doing well with my routine.  I don't always want to do it, but I haven't slacked on the target of hitting up LA Fitness 4 times a week.  The other day I was not feeling it at all.  Not for any specific reason, just didn't want to get out the comfy confines of my warm bed.  As I laid there, allowing the minutes to tick by, I knew I was going to go.  It's just that I lacked the motivation to get up.  I sent out an S.O.S. text to someone that said a few weeks ago they would help keep me accountable.  My request for inspiration was answered very simply and matter of fact-ly in 2 parts.  The part that I liked best was "just think of how many days this one gym day will add to your life".

Because I am not a medical professional or even a well-informed exerciser, I'm not completely clear on this medical fact or assumption.  But honestly, I don't really care.  I believe the truth and beauty of these words.  We make hundreds of decisions daily, consciously and subconsciously, that impact the quality and duration of our life.  No one can refute the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.  Both the physical and mental strength/fortitude necessary to give 110% during a single workout undoubtedly positively impacts the rest of your life to some degree.  As I thought about that (and still do so, as it is lingering in my mind) I agree and find motivation.  What I do today is going to determine the quality and longevity of live I'll have tomorrow.  Yes, the not-so-pleasant, but definitely necessary, decision to stick with this thing is a deliberate act to live the best and longest life I can.

#2 - Just a small piece of a larger discussion about spirituality, I was told that my new found commitment to exercise is a method of growing closer to God.  Now, this came from a person who I contend doesn't know me too well on a personal level.  But, man.  This was right on!  As he put it, the very nature of working out- the expulsion of toxins, calories, shedding of fat is purifying both body and spirit.  The exchange is energy.  The thrill that one feels (or endorphins) when completing a workout is essentially a spiritual connection with our creator, who is pouring back into us the purity that should continually reside there.  That is a simple yet powerful declaration.  Something as ordinary as exercising can connect you in a new and powerful way to God, inviting you into His presence and unleashing new reflections of who He is.  That is some good stuff!

#3 - The final example of the power of words is related to the written word and the impact on others. 
See, I wore a shirt to the gym yesterday that apparently struck a nerve.  This shirt is one I purchased years ago at a book signing for "I Fought To Be This Happy" (really good read by the way).  At that time in my life I totally related to the sentiment.  The peace, prosperity and joy I was experiencing (and still am) wasn't something that came easy.  No, not at all.  Most, if not all, can agree that to stay sane, to persevere and not give up, it requires a deliberate declaration that you will not quit!  Giving up- that isn't even an option.  Nope.  You continue to fight because the alternative can never be your reality.  Now you get my motivation for buying the shirt.  So, I wear this in the gym yesterday and I'm told how much the person likes the shirt and what it says/means.  He even went to the lengths of taking a picture of it.    This may not mean much of anything to you but to me this is huge.  I didn't say anything to him- he just saw the words scrawled across my chest that spoke to something deep within him.  How awesome is it that even something as unintentional as apparel, can speak life to someone!

I'll leave you with this thought/challenge (which is just as much for me as it is for you).  You never know how your words can impact someone.  Something seemingly simple or innocent may be exactly what that person needs to hear.  Therefore, try as much as possible to be intentional about what you say, and do, knowing it can potentially propel one forward, closer to the purpose and destiny that God has for them.  Unfortunately, they are just as powerful in the inverse, being able to pull one down to a level that speaks defeat, isolation or hopelessness that they may not recover from.  Therefore, "Speak Life!"

Experiencing Love With Our Senses

Baby Kadence is the newest addition to our family, just a few day's shy of being 5 months old. I had the joy of visiting my sister and brother-in-law to-be, baby girl and other members of my family a week and a half ago. Let me tell you, little Kadence is growing up so fast- exploring her surroundings as she makes sense of the new world around her.

While visiting, I had the opportunity to practice my emerging mothering skills by babysitting her for the day. And what a day it was! For a person that has limited experience with infants, it reinforced that stay-at-home parents have a fulltime job. But one that is rewarding and worth every minute.

As living creatures we learn about the world around us through our senses. This is probably most profound and evident in our young, who are experiencing things for the first time, curiosity running wild. Kadence slept late the morning I babysat her. When she finally roused from sleep at 10am, I was positioned over her head, peering down on her. Because she is so beautiful and precious I can't help but smile when I see her. What can I say- I love my niece. And she loves her auntie!

Seeing the welcoming expression on my face, she responded with a huge smile, letting me know she was ready to enjoy some quality time together. That was my cue to pick her up. The care in which I did so and natural warmth of my body alerted her to the safety that lay in my arms.

Next, it was time for breakfast. I have never desired to taste baby formula. There's nothing about it that makes me want to sneak a sip. But, when that bottle appears, you can't tell that girl nothing! She goes in for it and enjoys it down to the last drop. The taste of nourishment satisfies her carving (at least for a little while). I imagine, even if only for the moment, in her eyes, the person that fixed the bottle and fed her is the best person in the world.

Later that afternoon, when first her daddy and then her mom returned home, all she needed to hear were their voices. She was alerted to the fact that the two most important people in her life were there. Her natural state of happiness was intensified, no doubt because she knew a new level of entertainment was just moments away. (If you know anything about her parents you know exactly what I mean. Those two are nuts! In a good way.) And being held in their arms, breathing in their familiar scents, surely provided an extra layer of security. These familiar routines, day after day, are her building blocks for understanding love at it's most fundamental and purest state.

I love it how God shares Himself with me! Often times it is in the most simple and natural ways that He speaks or reinforces. See, on January 2nd, with lights off, laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, this was my prayer: "Speak to me." For 3 nights, He did just that.

It was the 2nd day, January 3rd, that I was given this simple command- "Love with your senses". It was actually communicated through a dream. In the dream there were a couple different scenarios of love being expressed through the senses. The most vivid one was of an older Asian couple (I swear it was the husband and wife team that manage the parking lot on H Street NW in DC. You know, the one in Chinatown, in the alley near Vapianos!) They displayed how love feels. It was safe, it was warm, it was easy- not forced, and it was enduring, as it had no end. I also saw love. Not through their actions but in the color that radiated from her. The color was red. Not the color of passion. No, it was intensity, fierceness. It was unrelenting and unashamed. And yes, it was the color of redemption, salvation. A sacrificing and unwavering love.

Now, I am trying to really internalize what it means to love others through my senses. The biggest challenges are:

1. Not to take it too literal, while still not overthinking it.
2. Love in a way that is meaningful to others.

Again, the command brings me back to prayer. Because not only does prayer reveal, it also empowers and sustains. Thus, necessitating a constant posture of prayer.  So, my prayer now is for God to show me how to love others through my senses in the same way He loves them. For, He always knows what we stand in need of, even before we do ourselves.

If I left it up to my perception of love and personal assessment of what others need, I may try to console a broken heart with chocolate cake (dessert cures everything! Right?) when what God knows they need is a listening ear that won't judge, won't try to fix it but will just listen. This requires being vulnerable and uncomfortable. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think Jesus ever did the easy, safe or comfortable thing to show love, care and concern. Instead, He put Himself out there, susceptible to scrutiny and accusations all in an attempt to love individuals in a way that touched their core! So, why would God expect anything different from me?

This command also requires me to be attentive, because it usually is a small little voice or nudging that suddenly prompts me to act. In the few occasions I've done this, the acts have been small and I'm not at all sure of the impact, but I will take it on faith that it is doing exactly what God intended.

Honestly, I am still processing what all this means and how to discern and be obedient to His promptings. Therefore, you may see me refine my thinking here in the future. Or, maybe you have some insight on this? Please share! 'Cause just like little Kadence, I'm trying to experience as much as possible, growing in all areas of my life as I try to walk in the ways of God, loving and being loved in a way that He honors. It isn't going to be easy or always work out how I imagined. Nothing worth doing ever is or does. But rest assured, if we remain committed, it will all work for our good, according to His perfect plan.

Pole Dancing Gone Wrong

For those of you that don't know the real story behind how I dislocated my knee, here's the edited version.  Those of you that are super spiritual and traditional in your thinking- this may not be for you.

At the beginning of 2009 I started reflecting seriously on the often quoted scripture "He who finds a wife, finds a good thing."  Being the ever-confident woman I am, I just KNEW I was a good thing.  But, one day I conducted an informal assessment.  In my book, a good wife cooks, cleans, makes her home a nurturing environment for her family, respects and encourages her man- along with a host of other things.  But, of the list of items I called out above, I realize that very few of them was I even adequate in.  So, a good thing I was not.

Part of the curse of being part of the Speed family is the desire to never stop learning and growing.  That sentiment kicked in real quick and I started taking baby steps to enhance the mediocre and turn it into GOOD.  Now, this is where you have to be open and kinda follow my thinking.  Since I purposed to become a "good thing" (yes, despite the statistics, male/female ratios, and constant lamenting from spiritual leaders that not every single woman will get married, I believe I will be happily married one day) I thought about this preparation process holistically.  I needed to develop the full package!  One of my many conclusions- Once I'm married, I want to keep my marriage interesting.  What better way to do that than with a pole in the bedroom?!  No, really, I'm serious.

So, I'm firm on this.  My master bedroom, in my home, with my husband, will have a stationary pole.  Now, there's one tiny problem.  I don't know how to work a pole!  I guess I shouldn't credit this next piece to God.  Or, maybe I should?  The opportunity presented itself in Spring 2012 to begin pole dancing lessons (thank you Living Social).  Believe me when I tell you, pole dancing is a workout.  Especially for someone that doesn't workout.  EVER.

Long story, short - During the fourth class, while doing a catch spin (I think that's the name of the easiest spin out there) I lost my footing and all you heard was "POP"!  A girl turned to me alarmed and inquired, "Are you alright."  Usually I can smile through the pain.  But as I grabbed my left knee all I could say in a small whisper was "No".  They got me a chair and for the next 45 minutes I iced my knee (and my bruised pride).  The hobble to the car, propped on the shoulders of two classmates was hard.  But, not as difficult as driving the 10 miles to urgent care.  Nor, the attempts at flagging someone down to get an attendant with a wheelchair to help me inside.

Honestly, as it was happening and even now I see the humor in the situation.  Luckily I wasn't as bad as the video of the heavy-set woman who attempted pole dancing in her living room and ended up laid out on the coffee table.  The nurses who wanted to know the name and location of the pole dancing class I went to (Xpose Fitness in Annapolis) because they were interested in trying it out, well that lightened the mood a bit.  Finally, telling my dad and stepmother that I was laid out on the couch for a few days because of my pole dancing mishap was priceless (just what every daddy wants to hear- his daughter is working the pole).

I haven't given up on my desires to be my future husbands private dancer.  I'm almost to the point where I'm willing to try it again.  Considering the current state of my love life, I probably have a good amount of time to perfect this craft, which is great.  I think I'm going to need it.

One Month Anniversary

Okay, I understand that to some this may be a little thing.  But to me it is HUGE.  And the way I see it, sometimes it is the little things that make the biggest difference in our lives.  For years I have struggled with the idea of exercising.  It never appealed to me.  (As I was told a few years ago “Nobody wants to workout but they do it anyway.” – uh, okay, not me...)  Only once before have I had a gym membership.  The year was 2003 or 2004.  I can’t really remember- mainly because I only went to the gym 2 or 3 times over that one-year membership period.  The thought of expending extra energy and sweating while doing it was a complete turn-off.  Why, I could be napping, reading a good book, eating a Chipotle burrito bowl or any number of other activities!  Granted, I have my weeks, and sometimes months, of dedication when preparing for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk.  But if I do actually train for the 60 mile trek, once it is over I go right back to the couch.  Good or bad - I embrace that slothfulness is the state of being I’m most comfortable with.  Oh, and we all remember my failed attempt at unleashing my inner stripper.  Needless to say, my knee still whines in pain every now and then, reminding me that before I try that again, a certain level of physical fitness and coordination will be a non-negotiable requirement.

But here I am, 1 month into becoming a “gym rat”.  I am amazed at the change I’ve undertaken.  And based upon the reaction of some of my friends and family members, you are too.  This change I’m referring to is probably 5% physical and 95% mental.  It has been a full month and I’ve remained committed to going to the gym at least 4 times a week (well one week was only 3 days at the gym and one day at home doing a 30-minute cardio walking video, but that still counts!).  What is this attributed to?  Only God!  The fact that I desire to spend an hour sweating in front of strangers and exposing my muscles to positions and weights they’ve never felt before is nothing short of a miracle.  I don’t take this change in thinking lightly.  For, it took years of gentle nudging and failed attempts by those who love me to get me here.  Some were frustrated at my ambivalence to exercise while others just accepted that I wasn’t going to care.

In 2013, I called out on my vision board that I wanted to establish a healthy lifestyle.  But, it never quite happened.  Then, in late summer/early fall the construction on the LA Fitness started in my neighborhood.  I felt like God was building a gym just for me!!!  Oh, great.  Now I wouldn’t have any excuses.  I was one of the people that signed up during the pre-sale and was super excited.  For about 2 minutes…  Grand opening came and went, and I was still avoiding the facility and watching my monthly membership dues go down the drain.

My 2013 Vision Board.  Notice "Body Beautiful" in the upper right quadrant.

During the final weeks of my pre-gym days, one evening I returned from my Queen Esther class, and enjoyed a phone call from a good friend that I refer to as “The President of the Krystal Speed Fan Club”.  If ever there’s anything I am contemplating doing, he is always there telling me that I can do it and do it well.  Anyways, I shared with him that in class we were talking about Israel's sin cycle.  I shared that during our small group discussion on how this cycle is manifested in each individual’s life, I likened it to my fitness and healthy lifestyle goals.  As our conversation progressed I was challenged to break the cycle.  I believe this was a defining moment in helping me internalize what needed to be done.  It was truly a blessing to have God speak through this person to tell me what I already knew and desperately needed to hear reinforced.

On December 30^th I was talking with one of my accountability partners.  She was sharing her fitness routine and goals.  As we ended the conversation in prayer, I was motivated to ask one simple thing from God “Please give me the kick in the butt I need to get in the gym”.  Well, about 3 minutes after we hung up, I reluctantly rolled out of bed, put on my hot pink Nikes and tentatively drove the 0.5 miles to my new gym.  When I entered, I was greeted with a smile.  I was offered a free session with a trainer.  I hesitated.  See, I had already used my complimentary session during the October pre-sale and that guy got me good.  When I say he worked me out, I mean he WORKED    ME    OUT!   I didn't want to take advantage of the system and get a 2nd free session but, I figured if they were offering, I was taking.  

So, he walked me back to an available trainer.  And who do I end up sitting in front of?  Gary.  The guy I’d had my free session with before.  We exchanged the obligatory hellos.  He recalled meeting me before but couldn’t place me until a few minutes into the conversation when my sarcasm and facial expressions gave me away.  “Oh, now I remember you,” was his response.  I said, “Yeah, I’m the girl that looks at you like you’re crazy when you give me these exercises to do.”  And that’s how our personal training sessions began.  I am very thankful to God for allowing me to have a trainer that knows exactly how to motivate me (basically telling me to suck it up because I can do it).

I’m completely excited about this 180 degree change in my attitude and habits.  I wake up in the morning excited about the day’s fitness routine (well, usually).  I actually like the feeling of sweat dripping down my forehead now.  I also enjoy seeing other gym-goers actively reaching for their dreams and goals of a healthier version of themselves.  Their motivation is contagious and helps me.  And then, the staff.  I feel like you’ve gotta be a special person to effectively motivate people to willingly endure pain for the hope of a better future.  To be good at that, I think that is a gift.  I’m thankful for the way that they’ve allowed themselves to be used to heal, restore and inspire people.

One month into it and I am committed to staying with it.  Hey, after doing something for 21 days it becomes habit right?  Ultimately, God is my strength.  As Paul shares with us in II Corinthians 12:9, “But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness' ”.  I’m believing that His sufficient grace, that empowers and strengthens, will help me to remain true to this.  I also believe that a strong support system is needed.  As I endeavor to live a healthy and fit lifestyle I need your help.  Please continue to share this journey with me.  Check-in with me.  Keep me accountable.  Tell me your fitness goals so I can also harass you about whether you’re keeping up with them or not.  And when we can, let’s do something fitness-related together.  Also, I’m on Pinterest so share healthy recipes, exercise routines and anything else that relates to becoming a healthier version of ourselves. For, I'm being reminded, when we surrender ourselves to the things of God (and yes, taking good care of your temple is one of those things) the pain of transformation purifies and brings us one step closer to the person we've been called to be.

The Power of Prayer

Borrowed from my Facebook status, Tuesday, March 12, 2013:

Although lid fell off the hinges, it still works!

Few people know about my prayer box. I started it my last year of teaching (2008) when I realized how awesome the task before me and the many challenges that were set up against my students.

So I wrote down each and every child's name that I have touched during my 5 years as a teacher on an index card and placed it in a box. I also added in family members and friends that I felt compelled to intercede for.

I did good for awhile, picking at random 3 index cards a night (each with the person's name on it) and writing at least 3 specific items to pray for on that person's behalf - healing from past hurts, nurturing of a specific gift, etc. I'd then pray for each person.

Slowly this nightly routine was discarded- for whatever reason I became too busy to pray for others :(

For Lent this year I decided instead of giving something up I was going to add something in. I decided to begin praying for those in my prayer box. I picked up where I left off and began praying earnestly for all my students in general and then specific prayers for the 3 individuals for that night. I'm pretty cool with not needing to see the results of these prayers, just relying on faith that the Lord will take care of each of them.

So, today I was at Starbucks and ran into the parents of a student I taught during the 2006-2007 school year. I noticed his mom right away- see the kid was fresh in my mind since I'd just prayed for him last week and he's the type of child you don't easily forget. His parents remembered me right off and they were sharing how well he's doing in school, sports, etc. I told them, "This may be weird but I prayed for him last week. Actually I pray for all my students." His dad, ever the jokester (that's where the son gets it from!) said "that's why he made the baseball team!!!" And his mom said, "Keep praying, because it works!"

Indeed it does! A happy Starbucks moment!